With you I would watch a movie that never ends
A tub of popcorn with cheerios and butter
With you I would share laughs and winks and grins
A mind filled with thoughts and heart filled with flutters

Be well,
Ryan

you were asleep when i touched your cheek and and stroked your hair

you didn't make a peep when i pulled back the sheets and sat up to stare

you had no idea that i was alone even though you were there

but when I looked at you i couldn't be blue so i just smelled your hair

you made not a sound but breathed just so loud and my dreams were in there

my dreams in your breath in the heart in your chest

sleep tight lovely one and I'll do my best

my best to be me and help you be you so at the end of each day

we know we were true

true to me and true to you together doing the things we want to

ok...new chapter in life. Family 101.

despite my best efforts to alienate and anger everyone I have ever met, I have managed to inadvertently create some lasting friendships. i have also come full circle with a family I always thought never wanted me. In the past few months I have had a few wonderful encounters with my folks I never would have believed possible. i am getting to know my mother and father in new ways. I love them very much and only now, half way through my life, am i truly becoming proud to be me. This is what it feels like to be a part of a family....I like it.

Today my brother expressed his unhappiness with his life situation......this was the gist of my answer....

Life begins as a search to find what makes us happy but in the middle if we are paying attention

the focus shifts to others and trying to make them happy.

when we get it right we can do both.

It is possible to make a seamless transition into making yourself and those you care about happy after you find what makes you happy and share it with others. I have lived selfishly for far longer than I am proud of and now wish to give back. money, possessions, power...these come and go. The memories others keep of our actions can last forever. My brother is like me...more than I wish him to be. I hope with all my heart he is a faster learner than I was.

I hate hospital waiting rooms.

to wake in the morning to a piece of mind

a tender touch from a hand so kind

a caress on my sore back

a fresh cup of coffee and sweet words

what a beautiful start to a wondrous day

my only wish is to give it all back

to give the same feeling to her

the same joy the same touch

to let it be known it all means so much

Is it a bird, a plane.... It's Ryan in a strange jacket.

A narrow street in a small town winding down and curving around

the smell of fresh cut grass and summer time grills

relatives laughter and talk of old times

ice cold tea, bacon, and eggs, fried catfish and beer filled kegs

serenity mellow break time out relaxation.

You may be in the south if you see fried more than five times on the
menue... Yummy.

Lazy day in central park
children playing and parents frying
Sounds of domesticated squirrels and brave birds smell of dirty water
dogs

Your silence is so loud it keeps me from dreams and makes my every
breath seem like a scream
In my head I am playing out the talk we are not having
Carefully calculating outcomes and then changing variables to further
influence the intended results only to reach the same ends the same
sleepless ends
My eyes and heart grow heavier with each mock disscusion until I feel
I will fall through the bed and floor onto the hard concrete beneath
Oh to crushed by the weight of this and to find solice and sleep.

Be well,
Ryan

Through sleep covered eyes and dream stained cheeks my feverish mind
twists and turns gaining momentum with each passing foothold
each passing monument I recognize more and more where I have been and
grow more aware more sure more familiar and excited for what's to come
As if returning home after being gone too long and discovering
nothings changed it's still perfect

Be well,
Ryan

So today I purchased some serious chef knives... No really, these
things are so sharp they can cut tension. I am now and forever in love
with sharpness and will dedicate my life to the pursuit of edginess.

Ryan